?

Log in

Serene · and · Strange...


Call it the shadow of myself...

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them
No, I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable

O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet
Love of my life
O, I need this

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
No, I don't need them

O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
The angel sweet
Love of my life
I need this

Is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch my death
O, I mean it
* * *
I am horrible ....at updating this thing.  Sometimes I forget that I even have one and then when I check it I'm ridiculously surprised by all the new updates.

Nothing much to report here. It's cold.  I do not like the cold.  It's gray.  I do not like the gray.  Only good thing about this lovely blend of cold/gray is that it caused our visitation to the schools to get canceled.  Usually I'd be pretty bummed but right now my tired self is taking any time off it can get.

Got the some wicked flu strain about two weeks ago. I am still getting over it.  I have been to the doctor so many times in the past three weeks that I think I know all the nurses now by name.  I also have had so much blood taken that I am hoping they can keep some of it on file for future visits. I do not mind giving blood but my poor arm looks kind of sad right now. 

Got to talk to Jenny K Lott this week! 3 cheers!!!
It was good times.  She always makes me happy.

I am going to have a lot more time on my hands for the next couple of weeks and I am going to ATTEMPT to be more productive with my time.  We shall see how that lasts.

 I have some sweet seats to see Ben Folds in April. I'm really excited.

Love to all!  Happy Birthday to those who have had birthdays since I last posted!!!

Cheers!
Current Location:
In da kichen...
Current Mood:
calm calm
* * *
Unfortunately, this is not the most jolly of holiday seasons. My grandmother, who has been sick with Leukemia, has taken a turn for the worse. Her meds have stopped working and she does not have much time. My mum and I are flying to North Carolina this afternoon to spend the remainder of the time we have left. I'm sorry for not being more verbose on the subject. I'm in shock, I guess. She has been sick for a while but I guess I just thought she would somehow live forever. Please pray for my family, especially my mum. She's pretty devastated right now. I need to be strong for my mother and the rest of my family. I can take care of how I'm feeling later but please pray for me to have strength and wisdom for others. I love you all.
* * *
One final down. 

I think it went well.

Unfortunately, the rest of the day did not go so well because my car skidded off the road while going home.  I'm okay.  The car is okay.  I did not hit anything or anyone but it scared the heck out of me.  I also hit my head on the side of the door so I have a bit of a headache.  Please pray.

Current Mood:
okay okay
Current Music:
Natalie Merchant-My Skin
* * *
One thing that kind of stinks about Livejournal is that you have none of the perks that other journal sites have unless you pay for an account.  I'm not going to pay to have a blog.  I'm sorry.  I have bills, rent, health insurance, and classes to pay for.  I think that is why I post mostly now on Xanga or my private blogspot account because I do not have to pay to post pictures in my entries there.  Not to be all Bah! Humbug or anything...it's just frustrating. 

Oh, and in one more week, I will be done with my first full semester as an education major.  Yes, I'm tired and incredibly glad it is over but I know I must want to do this because I really enjoyed my classes.  I can actually see me being able to use them for my future.  This never really happened for me as a JMC major.  I just wish I could have money for gas.  I want o visit JennyK in the worst way. 

Speaking of which, Jenny I will call you back.  My phone has stopped working again and I am  in the process of getting it fixed.  I'm sorry if you have called more.  it's being jerky to me. 


I can not put into words how happy I am that the Christmas Season is Here!!!

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Love, Me.
Current Mood:
silly silly
* * *
* * *
I am amazed by how cruel people can be to one another and not seem to feel guilty.  Does hurting someone you claimed to once truly love help make whatever glitch that is going on in your system less painful or well, glitchy?!  Watching people that I care about go through things they shouldn't makes me wish I was a superhero or something so I could take away their pain with a single touch or hug. Alas, I am merely a mid-20 something who can not even clean her apartment without hurting herself at least twice in a ten minute time frame. 

Just know wherever you are, that I'm praying.  Praying hard. 

* * *
I'm doing this because its fun :)
For the first three people that reply to me and re-post this challenge - I will send you something groovy.

It might be something I've made, or something cool from my hidden stash of fabulousity, it might be a mix CD - or a rubber duck, a book I think you will enjoy, or something else that is awesome.

Whatever it is, I promise that I will get it to you in 365 days or less. (I will need your snail mail if you're not local).

The only thing you need to do in order to participate is to be one of the first three to reply to this, AND post this very same thing on YOUR live journal - cause its fun to give people stuff.

* * *
Current Music:
Ray Lamontagne various...
* * *
Here it is in black and white Times New Roman font type...

I despise money!

Moreover, I despise insurance and these so called "benefits" one is supposed to receive in addition to money. 

For those who don't worry about these things, I envy you more than words can say. Since graduation, these have been constant worries of mine.  With my health the way it is, I have to have insurance.  Medication for mental health issues do not come cheap and they are not medications I can just go without. 

Those who have been out of college for a while know what I'm talking about.  We go through 4-6 years of academia and then once thrust into the real world, we get this bombshell dropped on us.  Where was the, "Hey, students, unless you have a specialized field, dumb luck, or tons of real world experience, you're not going to land a job right away."
If anyone is needing someone to lead such a seminar,  I would gladly teach it during Senior Seminar at college because it would beat a lot of the BS I got during mine about Graduate School and how to make a paper cup out of an envelope (I'm not kidding,,,this was actually  one of my sessions). 

But, Emily, what don't you just move from Murray?

Simple, my dear friends, Murray State is that quickest way (and cheapest) that I can get my Masters in something guaranteed to get me a job anywhere I want.  Plus, my boyfriend is here and a kick-tail apartment with an awesome roomie to boot.  Sure, I wish the town was bigger but I do not exactly have the money needed to go shopping everyday nor to see the sights that bigger cities have to offer. 


If you can not tell, I'm a wee bit frustrated.  Once January hits, my insurance gets cut off and I'm trying to figure out what to do about it all.  It doesn't help that I sit through every political debate and never once hear mental health being brought up as something the candidates are concerned about.  Pretty much because most people still don't view them as real illnesses.  Even some Christians I talk about this with still have the Stoneage Archaic belief that mental illness is just a lack of faith in God's healing in our lives.  I would really love it if one of these people would say that to someone battling with cancer or diabetes.  I'm sure the reaction they would get would be pretty amazing to watch. 
 
Right now, I would kill to be back in college with my biggest worry being  getting a paper or project in on-time. 
Dang, I was such an idiot for thinking that life within the bubble was challenging. 
Current Mood:
frustrated frustrated
Current Music:
Avenue Q- I Wish I Could Go Back to College
* * *
Just realized that I don't really have much to share in this entry except that Murray is coming alive again with MSU's Fall Semester beginning next week.  Yesterday, I got to move students into the new Clark Residential college and it is pretty nice.  I would greatly recommend that MSU use that dorm for any type of promo videos because I almost would want to live there if I didn't already have a rad apartment and roomie.  (Plus, me being ancient and living in a dorm would be plain sad...almost Avenue Q song worthy). 

I really want to see Jenny over Labor Day weekend so I'm trying to figure out a fiscal way of doing this.  If not Labor Day weekend, maybe I can go on my Fall Break or something (Of course, this all has to do with the Lott family generosity).  I just feel like a huge jerk for not visiting them, especially since they have always been so gracious in inviting me.  I think it is mainly due to me not liking long car rides even when I'm driving.  It is different when someone is accompanying you but when you're flying solo, it makes the trip difficult even when I usually make the trip a mini concert starring yours truly. 

Saw Hairspray the other night with Tiffany and loved it.  It will never be the original 1980s Rikki Lake/Divine version, but seeing Christopher Walkien and John  "Barberino" Travolta get their musical on was priceless.  Plus, I always enjoy Queen Latifah doing her thing on the big screen.  She has quickly become one of my fave actresses in movie musicals because she has such a dazzling screen presence.  I also heard that  Johnny Depp has agreed to do Sweeny Todd, so I'm interested to see how that turns out. 

Well, tonight I play softball so I'm preparing my poor clumsy body for more bruises and scratches. On Tuesday, I pulled my shoulder after sliding into home and have a huge bruise on my shin from getting hit by a fly ball.  I almost feel like a real athelete except that I think one has to be slightly athletic to be that.  Oh, well...I am having fun playing and being catty with Jenn and Brett in the dugout so that makes it worth it.

Hope everyone is having a great week!  Hopefully, my next post will be a bit more exciting.  Probably not, but I'll at least see what I can do.  :)
Current Location:
My cave...
Current Mood:
awake awake
Current Music:
Megan McCauley-Reverie
* * *
Looking back on my college days, I realize how much I used to use this blog.  What started out as a way to stay in contact with a friend in Germany because a whole lot more.  On here, I met some amazing people and still keep in contact with most of them.  It was also through here, I regained much needed confidence in my writing.  I'm not Anne Lamont but I have always enjoyed writing and am glad my insecurities didn't get the best of me. 

 I also look back on some of my entries and just laugh at how incredibly naive and dramatic those entries sounded.  I also think it is ironic how much time I spent bellyaching about getting out of college and now, almost three years out , I wish I had stayed in it longer.  Finals, exams, and busy work are nothing compared to the pressures of finding a job you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life.  Not to mention, the whole health care and needing to be an independent adult but at the same time wanting to run away what is safe an familiar being major factors as well.. 

For a long time, I thought I was the only one in my group of friends who didn't have a clue of what I wanted to be.  When I sat in my row at graduation, Missy already had a teaching job and a wedding to plan, Clint was moving to Louisville, and Jason had plans of opening up a coffee shop.  I was the only one without any shred of a plan.  I had ideas and dreams but no way of knowing how to go about them.  Plus, I knew I had some decisions to make in regards to relationships and whatnot that needed to be taken care of immediately.  Neither of which were incredibly fun things to do. 

So, here I am at 26. I'm in a job I love but don't have enough money to live on (not to mention health insurance of any kind is non-existent). All in all, I'm happy but know that I have a lot left to work on.  I have faith that God's plan is working along side me.  I guess I just have to be patient to see it planned out which has never been my strong suit.  I guess my prayer continues to be that I take "me" out of the equation and let God do his thing because ultimately that is what works in the long run. 
Current Location:
The local Toshi station finally picking up some things...
Current Mood:
pensive pensive
Current Music:
True Love- Emma Lahana
* * *
* * *

Previous